Sabtu, 02 November 2013

fun-o-rama

08.12

My coffee doesn't seem to be kicking in very hard this morning, so I figured I'd wake myself up with a little bit of rage by watching the trailer for the 1999 remake of The Haunting.

I know some people like the remake, so I thought, "I've only seen it the one time. It does have a good cast...I will check out the trailer- perhaps I've judged it too harsh--" and then the trailer began and OH MY GAHD, they get it all so SO wrong with the very first line! By the time 15 seconds have passed, you realize that this movie will poop all over the legacy of the original film. Check it out:


"There once was a house...a bright, happy home. Something bad happened...now it sits all alone."

Forget for a moment how poorly written that is, how absolutely unterrifying it is. Calling Hill House a "bright, happy home"? What kind of fuckery is that? Hill House was never a bright, happy home. Hill House was different from all the other cinematic (and literary) haunted houses that came before because it was an evil place, "born bad". It's not the Overlook Hotel, full of the ghosts borne of misdeeds past; it's "vile", an abomination. While "the dead are not quiet" there, it's not so much that it's "haunted" by ghosts as it is the haunt itself.

To get that very concept wrong...I guess this remake was doomed from the start. As I said, I know folks out there like it and that's great! Like what you like. Liking things is good. If it were up to me, though, every copy of it would be placed in a big pile, and then the pile would be burned down, and then the ground would be sown with salt.

I know that you know that I really love The Haunting. Like, really. But look, I just watched the new Blu Ray and it was beautiful and it's one of my favorite films and it's so good and sad and sorry I just love it OKAY (although geez, it's the film's 50th Anniversary and Warner Brothers really dropped the ball with this bare-bones release).







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