Bloggenaire: Craig Moorhead, Your Guignol is Grand

If you paid attention to the names of the members of yesterday's Film Club Coolies (or, you know, visited their sites), then surely you spotted Craig Moorhead's Your Guignol is Grand. I always enjoy reading Craig's take on various films or even the genre itself- but he doesn't blog enough for my liking. Maybe if we all band together and visit his site a whole mess, it'll be seen as some sort of call to action and he'll write more. Internet Citizen Power!

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

Pretty much when it became at all conceivable to do so and after a much more talented friend of mine put up his own site. This was waaaaaaay before I had anything to blog about, which is what I like to call being ahead of the curve. (The friend's site no longer exists, else I'd send you there, as it was totally sweet.)

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

I will describe the blog in just one sentence. It will also rhyme and that is how I will impress everyone. 'Your Guignol is Grand' blogs the morbid aesthetic / with panache and verve that's electromagnetic.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

This depends. Are 'Night of the Creeps' and 'Final Destination 3' bad? If so, then yes, I do. And people shouldn't judge horror films so harshly. But if not, then hell no I don't! I only watch the best! Why would I waste my time on such trash?

Why: bad horror movies are less predictable and 100% funnier than good horror movies.

Why not: Good horror movies are scary, and that's what I came for - the scary.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

I did know that - it is called the Kea and resides in New Zealand. But then my day job is at National Geographic. Advantage - nerd.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

My pants movie is definitely 'Poltergeist'. Saw it in the theater when I was six and I blame it for my life long horror-ahol addiction. If I'm wearing something baggy, I'd get 'The Thing' and 'Halloween' down there, too.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Adrienne came into my life through 'Creepshow' and she's been here in the living room ever since. Great actress, intense presence, kind of a mooch.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Oh, guys - it's a really good read! And it's not just a bunch of press releases about junk coming out, whether or not it's any good. It's about stuff I'm excited about. And if you want, you can leave comments about what you're excited about and we can talk that way and then I can find new stuff. It's so much fun, you guys! You gotta see!

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

It sort of makes sense that he'd be a super-rich geek, doesn't it? There but for the grace of Microsoft goes Bill Gates, ya know?

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.

b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.

c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

Boy. Jeez. Gosh. Hold up... calculator. Okay. It's not C.1 or C.3, I know that. And it's not really A. I'd say it's primarily B and C.2 I'll show my work below:

I love being scared and always have. This is closely related to loving comedy and laughing. It's all about suspense and surprise. They work exactly the same way, just in different tones. This is why those in the horror world tend to have pretty great senses of humor and why Jerry Lewis once made a movie about a clown that led children to the ovens during the holocaust. Horror and comedy are conjoined twins. So if I'm watching a movie and feeling scared, I am totally being continuously rewarded (B).

If the movie goes after polite society in some way, that's great, too. Especially when it has a specific societal target it is attacking. One fun example is 'The Faculty', which put forth the message 'If you sniff white powder, you are a cool human being. If not, you are an alien from another world.' That kind of thing is great. Torture porn is not included in this category, however. (C.2)

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

'81. '77 has lots of good stuff, but '81 has the best mix of good and bad. It had stuff like American Werewolf in London, The Burning, Friday the 13th and Evil Dead on the good side and Final Exam, Ghost Story, and Heartbeeps on the bad. It was a trippy time for horror movies, fighting against the growing conservative atmosphere of the Reagan administration and stumbling around like a drunk, headless chicken trying to figure out the slasher formula. Hilarious and terrifying. Simply the best.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Yeah, I know, right?

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

'Jaws' is pretty much the best made horror movie about an animal goin' nuts on somebody, but that answer feels pedestrian. Let's say 'The Giant Gila Monster' instead, since 'Jaws' doesn't include much hotrod action and 'Gila Monster' - oh my God - really does.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

To prove to everyone that nothing is sacred.

Then later to prove to yourself that some things are, indeed, sacred.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

I have a deal with the wife - we'll have a family plot, a great big cast iron display of me in a rocking chair (totally encased in cast iron) sitting next to a fire place. Since she'll be cremated, she'll be in the fireplace. Assorted dead pets will be napping nearby.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

The Stepfather. Sometimes that's all you need. Bam.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

"What was it I wrote on that questionnaire that time?"

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Wait - "funereal" wishes? Would that be, like, I wish sorrow? Or just a sad wish? Is this a trick of some kind?

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I don't, but back to the "funereal" wishes. It obviously means something, else you wouldn't have spelled it like that twice. Goddang it. I'm perplexed.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Yes - the baby in 'Dead/Alive'. That's one of the most satisfying monster deaths ever.

Wait, holy shit - I just got that 'lye' comment...

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

It's the 80s, all the way. It was never simultaneously scarier and dorkier than that. The best.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

I think a warlock. Because he's not as played out as a vampire, but he's still got all his smarts and junk, even when he does monstrous stuff. And he looks like Julian Sands, prolly, which doesn't hurt. So, yeah. Warlock.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

I've seen 'The Time Machine' and 'The Time Travelers Wife' and that one part in 'Superman' and, Stacie, I've seen what happens to time travelers. It is NO JOKE. So - no.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

On Thursdays I blog in my underpants.
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Big thanks to Craig! Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

By: Unknown On 09.36

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Bloggenaire: Amanda by Night, Made for TV Mayhem

Look, I KNOW. I've been so bad about posting the Bloggenaires that remiss is fifty miles back in the rearview mirror. I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I think it has to do with how much I suck. The past, however, is the past and I think we should just move on rather than sit here all day trying to figure out who's to blame. I can't think of a better way to do said moving on than to read answers provided by the illustrious Amanda by Night of Made for TV Mayhem!

I thought I had a head for movie trivia- then I met Amanda Reyes. She's a walking cinematic encyclopedia; that sounds obnoxious, really, but it's not at all- in fact, it's awesome. She knows pretty much all there is to know about cool stuff like 70s and 80s horror movies, sex comedies, made-for-TV movies, soaps, and everything in between...and she looks glamorous while knowing it. Just read her blog, will ya? You won't regret it.

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

I’d been down the blog road a few times before I started Made for TV Mayhem. Since I write so much about slashers, I think I was getting burnt out and decided to expand a little. But just a little. I started a column at Pretty Scary for Lifetime thrillers and then another column at Horror Yearbook dedicated to erotic thrillers, but made for television movies was always my passion. There’s not a huge demand for these small films, but because I love them so much and because I thought there might be a minimal audience, I decided to take my years of video collecting and reading about TVMs and put it to good use. Originally, my blog was intended only for mysteries, thrillers and horror, but there is just so much stuff worth writing about, so it expanded into all types of films, television shows, etc,… I got some encouragement from fellow bloggers who mentioned me and I could see that some people were genuinely interested in reading about what I was covering. A lot of these films and shows are unavailable, so I started adding stills and trying to throw as much info as possible into the pot. It’s almost become a sort of obsessive archival process. I want to preserve the memory of these films, most of which have largely been forgotten. I think when people read my blog, they won’t get the sense of that intention, but I think they enjoy the trips down memory lane.


2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

Maybe it’s a morbid obsession but a lot the aesthetics of my blog come from my electromagnetic attitude towards Bert Convy and various other small screen babes.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

This is where I can’t be funny (well, I’m actually hardly ever funny), and I have to use some of that critical thinking college has been instilling in me. First, what is the criterion for bad? I mean, the Mutilator is not a good film technically, but it’s entertaining and visceral and works as a horror film regardless of some of its faults. I think the real question (for me) is, do I like movies that are purposefully bad, and that answer is no. I think there is this new movement among low rent filmmakers who think that if they knowingly set out to make a “bad” movie, they’re making something good a la Ed Wood. But Ed Wood movies were good because he wasn’t trying to make a bad film. There’s your catch-22. His heart and soul (and many an angora sweater) went into making Glen or Glenda or Plan 9 from Outer Space. That’s why, all these years later, his films have endured. I associate the word bad with films by lazy filmmakers, not with movies that try to be good, and just don’t make the grade. I kind of hate to use the Mutilator again, but it applies: it’s got its shortcomings, but the director (Buddy Cooper) put his heart into that fucker, and I love him for it. I watch that movie all the time. As far as I’m concerned, it’s quite good and not bad in any sense at all.

And that was a whole lot of nothing.


4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

There is this parasite I heard about that gets into your leg and is so long and difficult to extract that someone has to stand over you with a stick and literally roll the parasite out. It takes days.

Also, that Zuni Fetish doll in Trilogy of Terror is creepy!

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

This House Possessed. Mostly because Parker Stevenson really needs to be down my pants and I can’t think of any other way to get him there.


6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Adrienne played, to the best of my television movie knowledge, the first openly lesbian character in a TVM. In Someone’s Watching Me, directed by John Carpenter, she plays Lauren Hutton’s BFF and pulls no punches with who she’d rather be kissing (and it’s not John!). The relationship is handled so well, her sexuality never overwhelms the platonic friendship between the two women, which is spectacular. I’d say it’s fairly progressive, and pulled off so well because 1) Carpenter knows how to write women and 2) Adrienne is wonderful in the role. There are no aggressive bull dyke stereotypes nor is there any kind of lipstick lesbian pandering. She’s just a woman. One incredible woman. Pretty much like Adrienne is in real life, I would suppose! I mean, she knew Bea Arthur…

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

My blog is for a very small niche. I’m surprised I get any readers at all (and a big thanks to those who do stop by). Made for television movies are really only of interest to those who grew up on them. And not only that, you have to have a big nostalgia streak and you also have to know my blog exists. It’s all very complicated and like I said, I’m really amazed people come by and then keep coming by. What I think makes my blog stand out is that, as far as I know, it’s the only one that covers this sub-genre as much as mine does. I’m not an expert in the field, but I think my love of made for television movies comes through and anyone with a crush on Scott Jacoby can see that!


8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

Just like everyone else in Hollywood, he steals the money and the ideas to build those things and then takes the credit! Oh Jigsaw, you silly little minx…

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

My Psych 101 class did not prepare me for this! I guess it’s a mixture of a lot of the above. There are definitely parts of the horror community that are like a group and foster community. Kindertrauma instantly come to mind as an online network of people who seem to respect, and more importantly, get each other. For me though, a lot of it is just style. I love retro horror because I love the 70s and 80s and I really loved the way they looked. The women were gorgeous (and actually looked like women), machismo was all over the joint (OK, 80s machismo is questionable), the clothes were FAB (well, until we get into the late 80s, which was just inexcusable) and also, it was all kind of new then. Even retread felt fresh. Now, with a few exceptions (House of the Devil, anyone?), it just feels like it’s been done and been done better. And even though Scream was a masterpiece, I think that self-knowing thing is really hard to pull off and very few films have done it correctly. Also, if I could vent a bit, I really hate the way women interact with each other in horror films today. It’s so antagonistic. In the early 80s, it was a lot more real. I always use Humongous as my prime example. Maybe not a great film by traditional standards, but look at the requisite “slut” character and the final girl. The dynamic is realistic. Hell, even Blood Lake has more realistic dynamics than the horrid Black Christmas remake.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981 was the shizz-nit as you kids would say. Good stuff. Halloween II, Hell Night, Home Sweet Home, Happy Birthday to Me, all the H’s are there!

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Honestly, the last French horror movie I saw was Baby Blood and that was about 4 years ago. I’m behind.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

That’s a hard one. I promised myself I’d keep everything fairly TV-centric, so I’ll say Ants! because you just want to yell “Step on them!” and because Moosie Drier gets his (oh Moosie, how I love thee) and because Barry Van Dyke is freakin’ hawt. And let’s throw The Beasts are on the Street into the mix if only for the ostrich in the backyard gag.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

Because with both of those trains going at that speed, you’re sure to see the wreck known as RZ’s Halloween or H2 (if you’re unlucky that is!).

14) What are your funereal wishes?

Parker Stevenson and Scott Jacoby show up and fight over who I loved more.


15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.


Because she is such a self-centered bitch in Death Car on the Freeway and then got even bitchier in Trackdown: Finding the Goodbar Killer. Take a xanax girl!

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

If that witch is Kim Novak and this is Satan’s Triangle, I guess it would be “Yikes!” Of course, that’s Satan and not a witch, but you get the point…

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Well, if you can make sure Parker Stevenson and Scott Jacoby show up, I’m ready to say goodbye to this cruel world.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I actually took your question and googled it and got the lyrics to a Notorious B.I.G. song. Here’s a taste: “Anyway I'm up in the motherfuckin spot, so boom I'm up in the pussy, whatever whatever. I sparks up some lye, Pop Duke creeps up in on some, must have been rained out or something *laughing* because he's in the spot. Had me scared, had me scared, I was shook Daddy - but I forget I
had my Roscoe on me. Always. You know how we do.”

Please don’t ask me that question again.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

If you mean Nick in Humungous, then yes! Now that was an historic occasion (fans of the film will hopefully get that reference!).

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

That’s tough. I love the TV movies of the 70s, but I love the slasher movies of the 80s just as much. Can I say that’s one era, cuz that’s what I’m going to say.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically its “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Jaws in Jaws 2, cuz he was like Jason, except a shark, preying on young teen girls in hot pants and of course, Keith Gordon!

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

If I could turn back time, I’d hit 1982 like it was nobody’s business and who gives a fuck if I hurt anyone? I’m cruel that way.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

I can’t really think of anything, except that maybe it’s your one stop shop for all things Bert Convy.

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Big thanks to Amanda! Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

By: Unknown On 11.12

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Bloggenaire: Tim Grant, Post-Mortem Depression

To be honest with you, Mr. Tim Grant of Post-Mortem Depression doesn't blog enough for my liking...and I say that because I enjoy his blog. It's like being all into a bag of M&Ms and then you discover there are only 6 M&Ms in the bag.

Oh, and don't tell anybody, but I think this guy is A Gay!

PS- How have I existed for so long and I've never seen Tentacles? Truly, one of life's mysteries.

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

As an insecure narcissist under the enduring delusion that tens of people out there might care what I have to say, I simply couldn't avoid that button any longer.

Also, I thought it would be interesting to try to link the subtext of horror films from my formative years with my own psychological development as a gay man. Nobody else was doing it ... and based on the miniscule number of eyeballs my blog gets, it's probable nobody else is reading it either.

But that's okay. My mother still loves me.

But she doesn't read my blog either.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

Using a darkly-comic aesthetic, my blog attempts to bridge the gap between two seemingly disconnected and deeply personal aspects of myself -- my morbid fascination with horror films and my psychological development as a gay man.

Though the subject matter is deeply personal, I try to make it entertaining in the hope that at least one other person might find it interesting (judging from my one comment ... exactly one person has ... thank you "thenotoriouslez"). I hope one day to be as pithy and prolific as the electromagnetic Stacie Ponder a.k.a. Final Girl.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

I adore bad movies and subject my friends semi-regularly to bad movie nights. For me to consider a film "good-bad," it is crucial that the film isn't campy by design. Artistically earnest incompetence is always more charming than someone just trying to make a buck with a funny title or wink-wink concept. I will take the 1980s musical The Apple over Attack of the Killer Tomatoes any day. No inference should be drawn from the fact that both movies reference fruit in their titles.

My favorite bad movie of all time is the Exorcist II. For bad movie night, I made my friends wear synchronizers made out of cardboard on their head and drink every time the name "Pazuzu" was mentioned. Is that weird? They don't really talk to me anymore.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

Where you see horror, I see opportunity. We could train them to eat human cellulite instead! We'd be millionaires! What could go wrong?

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

The first Friday the 13th. As I discuss in my latest blog entry (plug success!), I love the subtext of the sexually repressed, smothering 1950s mother reacting violently to the sexual freedoms of a new generation.

I also love how the victims never (not once!) use their arms in even the mildest, most lizard-brainish attempt at self-defense. Mrs. V is about to axe you in the face in the bathroom? Just keep your hands in your pockets, close your eyes and stick out your face! Mrs. V is stalking you through the open woods wielding a nasty Bowie knife? Just back yourself up to the closest tree and lift your chin so she can get a good slice across the neck.

I love that one aspect so much that I might just marry it. 



6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

I like to call her Billy .... everyone does.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Really, they shouldn't. It's completely solipsistic and appeals to the narrowest sliver of the population possible ... those who are interested in gay-centered psychology and trashy horror films. It's almost like I went out of my way to create something nobody would want to read.

Or maybe I'm using reverse psychology. Maybe I just know your readers are a group of iconoclasts and rebels. Maybe I know they are thinking right now --"Nobody's gonna tell me I shouldn't read that blog!!!!" To that I say ... don't let the man keep you down (even if that man is me and I'm cleverly misdirecting you). You have free will -- use it! Click on my blog right now at http://postmortemdepression.blogspot.com. Make comments! Add it to your Google Reader! That'll show me!

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

He was a Netscape secretary from the internet boom years? He outsources the torture device design to Halliburton? OK, I got nothin'.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.

b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.

c) SOCIAL THEORIES:

1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

I think all of these are valid reasons (with the exception of c1 which I will get to), but I also think there is one more: I'll call my PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION THEORY (I'm keeping with your all caps style to make my theory look equally valid, so there!).

I think that horror movies are metaphors for our own individual psyches. The final girl is the every person - a little repressed, hesitant, insecure. She is our avatar into the shadowlands of our own psyches which are populated with scary echoes of our past -- angry punishing moms like Mrs. Voorhees, creepy pedophiles like Freddy Krueger -- and/or representatives of our own darkest primal impulses -- like the pure wordless infantile rage of Jason Voorhees.

Through the final girl, we are given a way to experience the terror of the "scary place where the bad thing happened" inside of us in a way that is safe, communal, and fun.

In terms of c1 (“Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.”), I believe, as Carol Clover does, that the opposite is true. Mens' machismo is rarely rewarded in horror movies. The female almost always survives and does so based on her own abilities.

Does Ginny get any help from Paul in F13 Pt 2? What about Sally in TCM? Jerry, Kirk and Franklin ride the saw early on. But, Sally is beaten with hammers, cut, used as a human sippy cup for Grandpa, and forced to jump through two plate glass windows. But she keeps going and survives. The women are shown to be stronger in the end.


10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

Tough one. I'd have to go with 1977. Suspiria and The Hills Have Eyes are classics -- still disturbing after all these years. 1977 also has some of my favorite bad films, including Exorcist II, and the double-whammy of Jaws rip-offs -- Orca and Tentacles. I think any year that has a killer octopus movie starring Shelley Winters should just be declared the best year that ever was.

1981 is close. I didn't like Friday the 13th Part 2 when it first came out, because I loved me some Mama Voorhees and didn't like the "Jason is really alive" thing. But now that Jason has been around for three decades, I can look back on it with fondness. Ginny is a kick ass final girl. The guy in the wheelchair is all kinds of cute. Halloween 2 has also grown on me, too.

But no killer octopus. No Shelley Winters. 1977 wins.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Two words -- Jerry Lewis. It explains everything.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

Toss up between Food of the Gods and Squirm. I guess I have to give the edge to Squirm, since "Wormface" has become the official mascot of "Post Mortem Depression".

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

The answer to your question is 15.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

Someone stands up in the middle of the ceremony, points out my murderer and declares "It was you!", then presents the murder weapon -- an empty bottle of lye -- as evidence of her treachery.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

Do you also have a similar fondness for Jenilee Harrison, cousin Cindy Snow of Three's Company? Just looking for patterns.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

The horror …. the … horror …

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.
Why? I didn't swear at you.

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Wait ... a ... minute....

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

THAT HORROR MOVIE was a little slow for me and I found THAT JERK's performance to be thoroughly unconvincing. However, when THAT DOUCHEBAG got whacked in THAT OTHER HORROR MOVIE, I was tingly in the places where my underpants should have been.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

Late Seventies and early Eighties.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

A warlock. I always wanted to be Uncle Arthur. I got the Uncle Arthur gay, but not the Uncle Arthur magical powers. I feel a little cheated.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

Every single one ... except that one word ... you know the one I'm talking about ... and you know why... don't play dumb ...

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

Reading Post Mortem Depression will make you a better person. More attractive people will want to have sex with you more often simply because you read this blog.

Okay, well that's not exactly true. In fact it's a big fat lie.

The truth is my blog is just a little lonely. Sure it's not as pretty as some of the other blogs, but it's got personality. It's got a good heart.

OK, fine. It'll put out and won't get all clingy and drunk dial for days after you visit.

Buy a blog a drink?

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Big thanks to Tim. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

By: Unknown On 19.37

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Bloggenaire: Iloz Zoc, Zombo's Closet of Horror

Today's Bloggenaire is the venerable Mr. JM Cozzoli, better known as the mummirific Iloz Zoc. Not only does he run his own house...err, Closet of Horror, he also heads up the League of Tana Tea Drinkers, an assembly of some of horror's finest bloggers. If you don't want a Twinkie when this is over, you're simply not human. Oh, and this dude can talk, so you'd best listen! Or read. Or whatever. Get off my back!

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

The moment came when I woke up fifty and realized I’d not written the great American horror novel yet. How could I dust off the old gray cells and reconnect with my significant monstrous other? The moment sparked when I cut myself shaving as I realized I’d been a long-time fan of horror and wasn’t sharing the love while ill-mannered jerks in forums were giving real horror fans a black eye. The moment flared when I thought I’d ignored horror long enough, after a long dry spell, because I’d been disenchanted with the direction the terror onscreen had taken, seemingly helmed by ill-tutored sops who really needed to go back to the basics to up their quality and technique in the basics of movie-making.

The moment I pressed the button down hard was when I realized I could relive the joy of my youth by watching Universal’s classics while experiencing the wonderful new wave of screamscreen frights all in one little old blog space, and connect (or disconnect) with horror fans along the journey.

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

Zombos’ Closet of Horror is an electromagnetically transmogrified blog of existential proportions that attracts the morbidly aesthetic fan of differentially diagnosed horror. It’s where the cultured horrorheads go for silly, poignant, and slightly-skewed reviews and commentary on the genre people love to fear.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

While one can argue that “bad” is a subjective quality, I’ll counter with the measurability factor of bad scripting, bad acting, bad production, and bad stuff like that versus what’s considered reasonably good. So keeping this in mind, there are many many bad movies out there; however, some are so creatively bad, they’re fun to watch. They actually entertain through all their badness, and that’s an important measure that can actually extend beyond mere subjectivity to the movie audience’s experience.

For instance, Plan 9 From Outer Space is such a movie. It’s fun, vibrantly outrageous and irreverent, and cheeky monkey in its assumptions of misplaced logic and cheapness that most audiences can’t help but love the inanity. Now take Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, a movie at the opposite spectrum, and one that’s so bad it’s depressing to watch. A joyless cheapfest with no redeeming value: how can an inherently happy movie—with Santa Claus and kids and Christmas, for Christ sakes—be boring, plodding, and cheerless? The film saps the holiday spirit from you instead of imparting it. It’s a bad movie many will not enjoy, especially if they paid to see it.

So yes, I enjoy many bad movies that are fun in spite of themselves (lord Spookies comes to mind, too, here), but I also will vilify many bad movies; those that think I’m a nitwit (along with their audience) and ignore the basics of adequate writing, basic directing, and clean—albeit cheap—production. Too many cult and exploitation movies, as well as straight to DVD and theater-released films, cop out of quality production by labeling themselves as such as if these monikers were excuses to be bad.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

You mean the Kea in New Zealand, sure. Hey, didn’t the children’s pirate Captain Gar have a carnivorous parrot called Pete? I don’t think he liked mutton, though. Oh, and I recall Magic: The Gathering having a carnivorous death-parrot, too, but he’d sooner pluck out your eyes and shish kabob them than eat your kidney fat.

I’m amazed we haven’t seen a horror movie on zombie flesh-eating parrots yet, pecking for brains and kidney fat. We’ve got zombie-everything-else.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

Well, this is a tough one. Had you asked me what’s the one movie I’d like to stick down somebody else’s pants, well then, I’d have said Uzumaki. That’s one spiraling tale of insane, other-worldly terror I’d share with anybody. The dizzying camera-technique alone is a joy to watch. And since you didn’t specify shorts, jeans, or slick slacks, I’ll assume you mean my everyday pants. Suit pants get the special treatment, especially if they’re pin-striped, but I’ll go with everyday pants (good old Hemingway khakis for me). So the movie I’d stick down my everyday khakis would be A Chinese Ghost Story: a tale that blends ghosts, hopeless romance, unavoidable heroism, and demon-hunter mayhem in a poignant blend of green tea terror-filled special effects and humorous nuance.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

A Hershey bar with almonds, a Twinkie drenched in maple syrup, a moon pie with maple-flavored cream, Cap’n Crunch cereal with strawberry milk; what more can I say, she’s one of the sweetest actors to grace a horror flick. She’s the body every fan (mostly male, but some female, too) dreams of holding, and she’s got the chops to back it up in every role she plays. Who didn’t fall in love with her in Escape From New York?

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Look, it’s tough enough to write the damn thing on a lamely consistent basis; if I had to worry about getting people to actually read it I’d never get anything written. Okay, at least it’s spam free and I don’t have those mutating, rotating, popping, expanding, and flashing banner ads getting in the way like those more commercial horror sites. Isn’t that a good enough reason?

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

Obviously he shops at Walmart and takes the "save money, kill better" motto to heart. I’d bet he’s got a deal with Costco, too. Those meats they get are too cheap to come from cows. So you can say he’s a smart shopper just trying to pass along the savings and savvy buying wisdom he’s picked up along the way to slicing and dicing his victims. As for his engineering skills, I bet he did it by mail. I took a locksmithing course by correspondence once. Which is probably why I’m not working as a locksmith, but hey, I learned how to pick locks, so that’s cool. And doesn’t Phoenix University have a distance learning course on ACME torture devices and their fiendish construction on a shoestring? Either that or he got some student interns from MIT. They love stuff like that, and making those chunky robots that clobber each other.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

My Masters was in Forensic Psychology, so I can safely say I don’t agree too much with any of these cognitive/sociological theories. First, and let’s face it, many people do not like horror films and avoid them. Horror onscreen makes them uncomfortable because it’s potty-dirty kind of stuff, not fit for intellectual-minded persons who derive spiritual nourishment from French subtitles. There is no stimulation or motivation for them to see terror onscreen, so they wouldn’t be seen dead in a theater showing a horror movie.

Other people see horror films to experience the thrill of survival. How many stupid victims ever survive by accident? None. It’s the skill and determination, shown by smart victims, that keeps them living longer in a horror movie. This survival against the odds reinforces the belief that the smarter you act the safer you will be. This is reassuring to those viewers, and they root for the smart people in horror movies to survive. They WANT them to survive, so there is an emotional attachment that is very important for them.

Now, there are various other forces at work, including some of those sociological aspects. The group effect, seen during Saw movies, where small groups of friends experience a right of passage watching torture horror, is something fairly new. Can I keep my eyes open while victims get turned inside out and popped like a cork? Who will blink first in the group? Will we all blink and have a good laugh at blinking? Boy, am I glad I’m not that dumb son of a bitch who just got twisted into a pretzel. I’m not sure what the goal is here; there is a catharsis, but I’m just not sure what the overall motivation is. Not yet anyway. Maybe this is something horror bloggers should explore. I’m sure though it is not as simple as Relief Theory makes it out to be.

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

1981 without a doubt in my mind. You had a nice balance between schlock and more serious horror. With super movies like The Funhouse, American Werewolf In London, The Evil Dead, and Escape From New York, how could you go wrong? There was a much better vibe in ’81 for pushing the horror envelope.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

It must be a cultural thing: if you had a big population stuck in the boondocks with nothing but animals for company you’d be doing a lot of movies with bestiality in them, too, or terrorizing the city-dwelling neighbors up for the weekend for kicks and giggles.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

Tough call here. If you’re including creepy-crawlies, Squirm and Them! (okay, really big ants here), are high on my list. For straightforward “oh crap we’re screwed” mayhem, The Birds is probably my number one favorite. Hitchcock takes birds and makes them weapons of the apocalypse, sent by God to clear out the natives. Plot simple, effect inescapably horrific because of its simple plausibility (our feathered friends, all around us, are pissed off big time: KFC staffers, you’re first to go).

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

You see, here’s the missing operand: you forgot to include the snack car. Everybody makes this same mistake when doing this problem. Now, I’ve seen it done with the booze car, and boy, that does throw in some interestingly obtuse angles, but it’s the snack car that keeps the kids happy and occupied on long trips. Now, assuming we’ve added the snack car, no one in hell would bother seeing a Rob Zombie Halloween movie. Here’s why: the parents are happy the snacks keep the kids quiet, and the kids are happy the parents are not bitching about them not having any snacks—and that’s what this whole question is really asking about: not actual sidereal planetary travel time, but snack time, which operates on a minute by minute, not hour by hour, temporal incremental.

So if Jason Voorhees is heading east at 80 miles per hour, and Leatherface is going west around 65 miles per hour (assuming he’s not stopping in the snack car for a Twinkie and Coke or boozing it up in the booze car), no one will care to watch Rob Zombie at all. Only unhappy parents and starving kids, the type of people Rob Zombie always shows in his films, would go to see his kind of downer, white trash home kind of movie. We’ve eliminated unhappiness by keeping the damn snack car open. Snacks = Happiness, therefore, happy snack-eating people = 0 Rob Zombie movies watched.

Now, of course, if Leatherface kills the snack car operator after he eats his Twinkie, thereby forcing closure of the snack car, Rob Zombie movies geometrically increase in popularity. But that’s another problem. For us.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

I’ll worry about that when I’m dead.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

Hey, I charge by the hour for therapy.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

“Is it too late to switch to that Carnival Cruise to Bermuda?”

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

My ideal tombstone message? “He ate Twinkies and watched the Three Stooges. And he loved horror movies, too, so don’t look behind you.”

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

Fighting some really crude answer here…fighting…fighting…damn, lost it…you mean a good lye? Fighting…fighting…okay, I’m back…No. Ever since Red Devil Lye stopped supplying, I don’t know where you can purchase lye. Is this a trick question, or a line from a movie? My god I don’t know everything! I feel so insignificant now. So helpless…

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Actually, I hate jerks in horror movies. They’re no fun. You just know they’ll get whumped bad because jerks in horror movies always get whumped. So, no, I’m never happy when jerks in horror movies get what’s coming to them. It kills the suspense.

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

The Universal Studios Horror movies will always be my favorites. Yeah, I’m old, but they keep me young. Those movies captured an era of terror that, while mild measured by today’s movies, still showed heart and professionalism, even when A production moved to B-movie status. What’s more, those movies, when they came out, were held in high esteem by the audience, too.

They also pushed me into horror for good.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

A vampire for sure. I had this fantasy when I was a kid, garnered from reading way too many Creepy and Eerie magazines, of being a vampire who could fly around, have super strength, change into other creatures, and live forever, or close to it. And date Vampirella. Now if I could fly and live forever as a warlock, maybe I’d go for that, too, but only if I could date Vampirella.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

What, you left?

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

Q: Will you ever get off your duff and write that great American horror novel?
A: Workin’ it (and no, I don’t mean my duff)

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Big thanks to Iloz Zoc. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

By: Unknown On 11.43

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Bloggenaire: Max Cheney Considine, The Drunken Severed Head

Ugh. My dear dudes, dudettes, and 'tweeners, I know I've been remiss in posting these Bloggenaires. I have no excuse. None! I won't even pretend to have one, although I'm tempted to make something up about...I don't know. Something about wigs. Mehhh, I got nothin', so it's best to get the Bloggenaire ball rolling again with the winner of the 8th Annual Rondo Award for Best Blog, Max the Drunken Severed Head of...The Drunken Severed Head! Don't ask how he types.

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

I can't remember the exact moment, but several things came together. I was a co-moderator at a Yahoo group called the Universal Monster Army, and was having a blast talking about old horror movies, monster movie toys and memorabilia, weird news, and generally cracking wise. Also, I had started doing interviews to share at the UMA-- with folks like Ted Newsom, creator of the "100 Years of Horror" series. And everyone was starting a blog. So I thought I could too, and jumped on the bandwagon. And why not? I like both music and being driven!

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

My blog is viewed through electromagnetic impulses that create a picture on a monitor, sending out waves that soften and numb the brain. This anesthetic aesthetic both lessens and enhances the morbid aspects of my posts, much as vermouth cuts and sweetens the gin in a martini.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

Well, horror, sci-fi, and fantasy films were long considered junk movies. Many of my favorite flickers have had someone say they're "bad." (Yes, I said "flickers"-- I love me that alliteration, no matter how outta date I gotta be!)

I've enjoyed LOTS of bad movies, where ineptness in writing, cheap production values, and bad acting provides unintended, but socko entertainment! Just as long as the pace is quick enough to compensate for those deficiencies. I just don't admire bad movies for their shortcomings. I'm perverse, but not THAT perverse.

A slow-paced well-made film is one thing, but a draggy badly-acted cheapo is another. Longueurs in a Cocteau film can add to the experience, but the same doesn't apply to Ed Wood. But I can say that playing Bela Lugosi in a stage production of Glen or Glenda, as I did over a decade ago, was one of the most fun things I've ever done.

My favorites include Horrors of Spider Island, Teenagers From Outer Space, Devil Girl From Mars, and many Bert I. Gordon movies.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

If they're political sheep, I want to see this!

No, but seriously--this doesn't surprise me. Nature isn't always benign. I once saw a raven carry off a small rabbit, then eat it alive on the roof of a neighbor's house. It was traumatizing.

Gimme monsters ripping up bad actors instead! Although I do have a pet snake which eats live minnows, and my wife raises venus flytraps, so a bit of the bitch side of dear Mother Nature is on view at our house.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

THE TINGLER! (I can't believe someone hasn't beaten me to that gag before!) Actually, as a severed head, I never wear pants. I have been seen with undies on my head, but that's another story.

Oh, I suppose Bride of Frankenstein. Yeah, I know it's a cliched answer among historians and devotees of really old horror movies, but as a little kid sneaking out of bed to watch on a late-night creature feature, I was blown away by it, and forever marked by it. I was very spooked by the scene of the Monster appearing in the flooded pit and killing a man, and later by the scenes with Pretorious in the mausoleum. I was also moved by the tragedies that befall the Monster, and shocked by the explosion at the end. (Oh great, I spoiled it for ya.) I don't watch it often, but when I do, its effects on me are undiluted by time. But The Orphanage, Alien, and Black Sunday would all stand up to many repeat viewings. And it's nice to stick Barbara Steele down one's pants.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

She will forever be the crabby daughter on the Maude sitcom and the bitch in Creepshow to me. I can't accept her in Swamp Thing-- too nice.

I wish she'd played a nightgown-wearing bisexual vampire just once in her career, though.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

See answer #2 above.

And to appreciate your blog all the more. (Wink, wink.)

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

I think he must be a character who escaped from a Bond film. 007 and his adversaries all seem to be rich, and geniuses with gadgets.

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.
b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.
c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

As someone who actually has a degree in sociology, I ought to be able to bullshit a great answer. But I'll stick with instincts and experiences and say a) and b) of the psychological theories and # 2 of the social theories are the most valid, and overlap. They can be simultaneously true-- distress being one aspect of the excitement in the "continuous reward" explanation. It's akin to the sensations of taste-- sweet being edged with bitter, and one flavor in one food providing "relief" to the sensation of another food.

Say, I just used another "taste" metaphor, like I did in answer #2. I wonder what Freud would say...

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

Except for the the totally whacked-out The Sentinel, and Suspiria, there isn't one horror film from 1977 that I ever want to see again. 1981 produced these rewatchables: An American Werewolf in London, The Howling, Dead and Buried, and Scanners, plus some interesting sci-fi films.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Hard for me to say. Don't know how to put myself in their place, because I can't speak through my nose. But they gave us Diabolique, Eyes Without a Face, Cocteau's Beauty and the Beast, and Gance's I Accuse, so they must be as smart as they think they are.

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

Well, it sure ain't The Muppets Take Manhattan. Or Frogs, which has the slowest attacks on people ever filmed. Not Willard, because it spawned Ben, which foisted that awful Michael Jackson song off on us. Maybe Kingdom of the Spiders, just for the scene where a woman is so freaked by seeing a tarantula on her hand that she impulsively shoots her hand off with a gun. Or possibly Night of the Lepus, just 'cause it's got giant bunny rabbits.

Hmmm. This is a toughie. I saw Food of the Gods at a drive-in a coupla years ago, and LOVED it. But Them! is an intelligent, handsomely-made film about giant ants gone amok, and do you realize how unlikely THAT is? So I guess it's a tie between Food of the Gods for the camp value (a giant killer chicken!), and Them! for being the best all around animal attack movie.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

As the masochist said when asked why she hung around her bad-tempered boyfriend, "Beats me!"

14) What are your funereal wishes?

I wish to never need to have a funeral, but in case I can't roll out the back door when Death comes looking for me, I guess I'd like to have a shindig for my friends that's a cross between a New Orleans-style funeral and a Halloween party. A fun-eral, if you will. With a big screen video message from me from beyond the grave, mwah ha ha ha!

You're invited.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

Because in a past life, you WERE Shelley Hack. Yeah, I know, she's still alive, but don't bother me with details.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

Boo to you, too! And abra cadav-- glub!...hic!...glub...glub...

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Now I'm worried. I'm thinking of that final scene in Psycho where Norman Bates is thinking to himself in his mother's voice, "I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching... they'll see. They'll see and they'll know, and they'll say, "Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly..."

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I don't. And that's no lie. (Oh, ain't I a SCREAM? Don't answer that.)

Don't use lye. Carpet beetles are much efficient and thorough at removing flesh.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

YEAH! He deserved it! Always bein' a smart ass! Making puns! Pretending to be something he's not!

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

I guess it's a tie between American films from the 1930s and films from the rest of the world in the 1960s.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

Why don't you offer a Boogey man as a choice?

Okay, don't look at me like that. I'll play. I guess I most wish to be a were-Frankenstein, cause once a month I'd really like to scare people as the character I most enjoyed being on Halloween, as a kid.

But I'd settle for being a warlock for the merchandising opportunities. Man, I could clean up with the Harry Potter craze! (Yeah, I know vampires are also hot, but who the hell really wants a mouthful full of blood just to get young women all emo?)

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

Of course, darling. You're my final girl.

You're always kind to me--you amuse me so much, and so often--how could I have said such things?!

Please come back--and BRING BACK MY BODY!

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

It won't cause a sudden loss of vision-- anymore-- or an erection lasting more than four hours, and it's low calorie! It has some cool interviews and art, features a poem I wrote about Boris Karloff that impressed Pierre Fournier of Frankensteinia, and was complimented by Cool Ass Cinema as being like the old Famous Monsters magazine, but for adults. Those last two are distinctions I'm especially proud of.

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Big thanks to Max. Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

By: Unknown On 21.20

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