Jumat, 24 Mei 2013
Selasa, 21 Mei 2013
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Selasa, 14 Mei 2013
Art vs Cancer
Hello everyone! So check it out: cancer is an asshole, right? Yes, we all know this. Also asshole: all the bills and financial debt that come along with fighting cancer. Friend of Final Girl and actress Michelle Tomlinson (The Cellar Door) is gonna give cancer what for...and to help her give the costs what for, she's set up a GoFundMe page where you can donate as much or as little as you please.
I've also put a bunch of sketch cards on eBay, and I'll be donating all monies raised in the auctions (minus fees) to the cause. There's some horror goodness in there, check it out!
There are also cards from other movies (Escape from New York, Silence of the Lambs, whaaaaat!), comics (Batfolk, yeah!) and video games (Halo, boss!), so give a consideration to bidding, won't you? You get some art, Michelle gets some help paying for treatment. It's a win-win if I ever heard a one!
If you can't bid, holy moley, I get it. You can still help by spreading the word and the link to my auction page. That don't cost nothin' but 10 seconds. Everybody got time for that! Thanks, gang.
I've also put a bunch of sketch cards on eBay, and I'll be donating all monies raised in the auctions (minus fees) to the cause. There's some horror goodness in there, check it out!
There are also cards from other movies (Escape from New York, Silence of the Lambs, whaaaaat!), comics (Batfolk, yeah!) and video games (Halo, boss!), so give a consideration to bidding, won't you? You get some art, Michelle gets some help paying for treatment. It's a win-win if I ever heard a one!
If you can't bid, holy moley, I get it. You can still help by spreading the word and the link to my auction page. That don't cost nothin' but 10 seconds. Everybody got time for that! Thanks, gang.
Rabu, 10 April 2013
Zombie vs Shark vs T-Shirt
Hey, so I drew this! It's based on one of the best scenes in not only horror, but in EVER. Zombie vs shark, from Lucio Fulci's Zombie.
You can get it (and a bunch of other designs) on a t-shirt or a pillow or even a print at my Society 6 shop. Annnd if you use THIS LINK to do it, you'll enjoy free worldwide shipping through April 14. That is a tasty treat!
Selasa, 09 April 2013
Evil Dead (2013)
Remakes, amirite? Boy, that train just keeps on a-rollin', bypassing torture porn, zombies, found footage, and all the other horror trends of the last decade. Because remakes are here to stay, most horror fans have relented and called a...well, not a truce with them, per se, but more of an uneasy cease fire à la that between North and South Korea. There's a never-ending standoff at the demarcation line, with constant vigilance on both sides: remakes pull their pants down and wave their asses about, taunting not only to remake the most beloved films in the genre, but also to remake the remakes. Over the line, fans fume and foam and rage, moan and bemoan, and then hand over their dollars. So it has been and so it shall ever be.
As for me, I try, at least, to be largely open-minded about these things. Sure, I don't much see the point of a new version of whatever. Sure, sometimes I see a trailer (like this one for the most recent Carrie remake) and I am all "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, TRAILER FOR THE MOST RECENT CARRIE REMAKE"...but hey, sometimes remakes are good. Sometimes they are really good! And they're not much worth getting our collective thongs in a twist over- no matter what, the originals ain't goin' nowhere. You can't touch old Carrie, new Carrie! I'll just watch that! And as for you, middle Carrie remake, I've never seen you, so just keep quiet!
You know, something like that.
Anyway, all this brings us to Evil Dead, director Fede Alvarez's rehashening of Sam Raimi's beloved 1981 film. Man oh man, when this project was announced one hundred years ago, you could feel the burning gaze of indignant horror fans right through your computer screen and smell their smoldering black novelty t-shirts on the wind. Was Diablo Cody really going to write it? Was there really going to be an Evil Dead without Bruce Campbell? Would someone really dare to make Ashley J. Williams a girl? Froth froth froth.
Then last Friday came, Evil Dead opened, and fans around the world started touching themselves over Alvarez's efforts, hailing it as one of the best horror films of recent memory. But is it, though? Is it? THIS IS THE TIME WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.
As in the original version and also 63% of all horror films, Evil Dead puts five young folk in a cabin in the woods, then later violent mayhem ensues. Rather than the typical sex-n-drugs-n-Jenga setup, however, Alvarez and co-writer Rodo Sayagues ground the weekend getaway idea with a wee bit of gravitas: Mia (Jane Levy) is at the cabin to detox, her friends and estranged brother David (Shiloh Fernandez) are there to hold her hand, hold her hair while she barfs, and help her through it.
It's an admirable attempt by the filmmakers to elevate Evil Dead above the typical brainless horror fare, but ultimately the drug angle is only a MacGuffin to get the gang into the middle of nowhere. It doesn't prove as central as it could have, or maybe as it should have. As a narrator, Mia is highly suspect and hey, maybe she's just seeing things or making shit up so she can go home. Are these happenings really happening? I am just saying, maybe a little suspense would have been nice, a little metaphor use to jazz things up. After all, this is Evil Dead and we all know how it's going to go: you find a book bound in human flesh and inked in human blood, you read from a book bound in human flesh and inked in human blood, everyone goes deadly nutcake, the end.
Maybe it's best that there was minimal setup, though. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some character development (I yearn for it, really) and I'm willing to wait a long while for things to actually happen, but here is a sample of the dialogue:
"Mia, exposition exposition. Exposition."
"But David, exposition! Exposition exposition EXPOSITION."
And so on. It was pretty dreadful. Couple that with a few Telegraphed Horror Movie Moments™(gee, I wonder if that nail gun we're seeing in close-up will be used on a person an hour from now!) and unfortunately, I was getting impatient for these fools to wander into the basement, open the book, and get on with it already. Then they did, dropping any pretense at character development, metaphor, or whatever. They really got on with it. What I mean is, Evil Dead is profoundly violent and so effing gory, I can't believe it was playing next door to, you know, Tyler Perry's Whatever Whatever at the cinemovieplex. It's rated like a pirate-level ARRRRRRR, the R is so hard. Razor blades, needles, electric knives, chainsaws (of course), yes, the aforementioned nail gun...I haven't seen this much blood flying on the screen since...well, ever.
The gore, in fact, is likely the biggest thing Evil Dead has going for it. Jane Levy does an alright job as Mia- she's best when she's possessed- but ultimately the acting and the script are the weak links in the chain. Remember when everyone was so concerned about the possibility of a "girl Ash"? Well, for most of the film "David" fills that role and let me tell you, a Real Girl Ash would have been about as exciting and emotive. Not that one goes into Evil Dead expecting a well-acted treatise on the human condition or what have you (the original certainly wasn't that), but pile up enough questionable actions by the characters and all the dopey dialogue and you realize it's really just an okay package in an exceedingly dazzling wrapper.
There is fanservice aplenty throughout the film with winks, nods, and Easter eggs, from Cheryl's demon voice to Sam Raimi's infamous Oldsmobile to the sly use of the original's iconic poster art. It's fun, if nothing else.
And then there's the tree rape.
Of the sequence in his film, Sam Raimi said, years later, "I think it was unnecessarily gratuitous and a little too brutal." He's right, but then The Evil Dead is a pretty brutal film, nearly as gory as its remake. The sequence returns in 2013, but it's surprisingly tamer- see, it's not the trees raping Mia as they did Cheryl; it's more of a wormy, slimy, branch-y thing barfed up by a deadite witch that then makes its way between Mia's legs. It's more Cronenbergian than its predecessor, but it's still gratuitous. The rules of possession in Evil Dead are fast and loose- sometimes it's transmitted by bite, sometimes...not? It just...is?- and so there's no reason the wormy, slimy, branch-y thing couldn't have been barfed out of one mouth and forced down another. It would have provoked the requisite hoots and hollers from the audience, which, you know, would have been more palatable than a rape scene doing the same.
Sure, the old "Well, what do you expect from a horror movie?" arguments can be trotted out here, but when we live in a culture where defense lawyers claim that 11-year-olds are willing participants when they're gang-raped, when politicians bandy about terms like "legitimate rape" and offer up scientific "facts" about pregnancies resulting from rape, scenes like that in Evil Dead do matter. They're worth talking about, even if it's fantasy.
So all in all, I suppose it depends what you're looking for; I mean, it's not as if the movie isn't fun in that exceedingly gory, "is this really fun?" kind of way. Strip away the blood and guts, though, and there's not much left. When it was all over, my lasting impression was an intense desire to go home and watch the original.
As for me, I try, at least, to be largely open-minded about these things. Sure, I don't much see the point of a new version of whatever. Sure, sometimes I see a trailer (like this one for the most recent Carrie remake) and I am all "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, TRAILER FOR THE MOST RECENT CARRIE REMAKE"...but hey, sometimes remakes are good. Sometimes they are really good! And they're not much worth getting our collective thongs in a twist over- no matter what, the originals ain't goin' nowhere. You can't touch old Carrie, new Carrie! I'll just watch that! And as for you, middle Carrie remake, I've never seen you, so just keep quiet!
You know, something like that.
Anyway, all this brings us to Evil Dead, director Fede Alvarez's rehashening of Sam Raimi's beloved 1981 film. Man oh man, when this project was announced one hundred years ago, you could feel the burning gaze of indignant horror fans right through your computer screen and smell their smoldering black novelty t-shirts on the wind. Was Diablo Cody really going to write it? Was there really going to be an Evil Dead without Bruce Campbell? Would someone really dare to make Ashley J. Williams a girl? Froth froth froth.
Then last Friday came, Evil Dead opened, and fans around the world started touching themselves over Alvarez's efforts, hailing it as one of the best horror films of recent memory. But is it, though? Is it? THIS IS THE TIME WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT I THINK.
As in the original version and also 63% of all horror films, Evil Dead puts five young folk in a cabin in the woods, then later violent mayhem ensues. Rather than the typical sex-n-drugs-n-Jenga setup, however, Alvarez and co-writer Rodo Sayagues ground the weekend getaway idea with a wee bit of gravitas: Mia (Jane Levy) is at the cabin to detox, her friends and estranged brother David (Shiloh Fernandez) are there to hold her hand, hold her hair while she barfs, and help her through it.
It's an admirable attempt by the filmmakers to elevate Evil Dead above the typical brainless horror fare, but ultimately the drug angle is only a MacGuffin to get the gang into the middle of nowhere. It doesn't prove as central as it could have, or maybe as it should have. As a narrator, Mia is highly suspect and hey, maybe she's just seeing things or making shit up so she can go home. Are these happenings really happening? I am just saying, maybe a little suspense would have been nice, a little metaphor use to jazz things up. After all, this is Evil Dead and we all know how it's going to go: you find a book bound in human flesh and inked in human blood, you read from a book bound in human flesh and inked in human blood, everyone goes deadly nutcake, the end.
Maybe it's best that there was minimal setup, though. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some character development (I yearn for it, really) and I'm willing to wait a long while for things to actually happen, but here is a sample of the dialogue:
"Mia, exposition exposition. Exposition."
"But David, exposition! Exposition exposition EXPOSITION."
And so on. It was pretty dreadful. Couple that with a few Telegraphed Horror Movie Moments™(gee, I wonder if that nail gun we're seeing in close-up will be used on a person an hour from now!) and unfortunately, I was getting impatient for these fools to wander into the basement, open the book, and get on with it already. Then they did, dropping any pretense at character development, metaphor, or whatever. They really got on with it. What I mean is, Evil Dead is profoundly violent and so effing gory, I can't believe it was playing next door to, you know, Tyler Perry's Whatever Whatever at the cinemovieplex. It's rated like a pirate-level ARRRRRRR, the R is so hard. Razor blades, needles, electric knives, chainsaws (of course), yes, the aforementioned nail gun...I haven't seen this much blood flying on the screen since...well, ever.
The gore, in fact, is likely the biggest thing Evil Dead has going for it. Jane Levy does an alright job as Mia- she's best when she's possessed- but ultimately the acting and the script are the weak links in the chain. Remember when everyone was so concerned about the possibility of a "girl Ash"? Well, for most of the film "David" fills that role and let me tell you, a Real Girl Ash would have been about as exciting and emotive. Not that one goes into Evil Dead expecting a well-acted treatise on the human condition or what have you (the original certainly wasn't that), but pile up enough questionable actions by the characters and all the dopey dialogue and you realize it's really just an okay package in an exceedingly dazzling wrapper.
There is fanservice aplenty throughout the film with winks, nods, and Easter eggs, from Cheryl's demon voice to Sam Raimi's infamous Oldsmobile to the sly use of the original's iconic poster art. It's fun, if nothing else.
And then there's the tree rape.
Of the sequence in his film, Sam Raimi said, years later, "I think it was unnecessarily gratuitous and a little too brutal." He's right, but then The Evil Dead is a pretty brutal film, nearly as gory as its remake. The sequence returns in 2013, but it's surprisingly tamer- see, it's not the trees raping Mia as they did Cheryl; it's more of a wormy, slimy, branch-y thing barfed up by a deadite witch that then makes its way between Mia's legs. It's more Cronenbergian than its predecessor, but it's still gratuitous. The rules of possession in Evil Dead are fast and loose- sometimes it's transmitted by bite, sometimes...not? It just...is?- and so there's no reason the wormy, slimy, branch-y thing couldn't have been barfed out of one mouth and forced down another. It would have provoked the requisite hoots and hollers from the audience, which, you know, would have been more palatable than a rape scene doing the same.
Sure, the old "Well, what do you expect from a horror movie?" arguments can be trotted out here, but when we live in a culture where defense lawyers claim that 11-year-olds are willing participants when they're gang-raped, when politicians bandy about terms like "legitimate rape" and offer up scientific "facts" about pregnancies resulting from rape, scenes like that in Evil Dead do matter. They're worth talking about, even if it's fantasy.
So all in all, I suppose it depends what you're looking for; I mean, it's not as if the movie isn't fun in that exceedingly gory, "is this really fun?" kind of way. Strip away the blood and guts, though, and there's not much left. When it was all over, my lasting impression was an intense desire to go home and watch the original.
Jumat, 08 Maret 2013
real talk
You guys, what the heck. It's been about five months since I have posted anything here. FIVE MONTHS. Can you believe that? Just think! If you got pregnant on the last day I posted, you would have, like, half a baby by now. That is mind-blowingly nuts.
Anyway, I thought it was time I showed my face around here, so to speak, to give you some what for.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS!
(note: by "frequently" "asked", I mean "I think someone might have asked once, or maybe it was only a dream I had")
Is Final Girl dead?
If by "Final Girl" you mean me, then no, obviously not because here I am typing this. Unless, of course, maybe I blogging from beyond the grave.
Are you blogging from beyond the grave?
No, I am not.
Okay, so what about Final Girl the website? Is that dead?
It may seem that way, but again...no! I would say it's not dead, it's merely in a cryogenic stasis chamber. At some point in the near future it will be thawed out and resurrected, I swear. Awakened after oh so long, Final Girl will then gaze upon an unfamiliar world with wonderment, a little trepidation, and maybe some indigestion...but she'll adjust, and it'll be as if she were never gone. You know how she do.
Well where the frig have you been?
Dudes and y'alls, here is the R.E.A.L. T.A.L.K., which stands for "real talk": I have been so totally and completely burnt out on horror movies, it is not even funny. Not even! Funny!
Yup, it's the truth. "But how could it have come to this??" you are probablysaying screaming to yourself as you rend your clothes and roll around on the floor. Well, friendos, there are a lot of reasons for it. The biggest, maybe, is that in recent times, more often than not I found myself writing about horror movies I didn't give two shits about. Never mind two shits, I didn't even give one shit about 'em. Wait, never mind one shit...I did not even have a ha'shit to give.
I think we can all agree that unless you are an asshole, it is best to review movies you have actually seen. Because of science, in order to see the movies I had to write about, I also had to watch them. Many of these films were bad. Most of them, though, were just...there. Uninspired, dull, samey-samey stuff that I wouldn't watch unless I had to, which...you know, I did. For me, shrugging off the apathy and figuring out something to say about those movies was like pulling teeth. Or, more succinctly, like having my teeth pulled. And then put back in. With a hammer. With a Mjolnir.
If that sounds "wah wah, I had to watch horror movies and write about them", well man, I guess I just don't care. You see, I started Final Girl to talk about horror movies I love (even if they stink), not whatever happens to be coming out on DVD next month. It should go without saying, but I will say it anyway: this does not mean that I am railing against new horror, or that whatever happens to be coming out on DVD next month isn't going to be wonderful. It just means that hey, writing can be difficult, watching movies you don't really want to watch can be difficult, and I just. Burnt. Out.
And boy do I mean it! Believe me, I haven't been, you know, watching a shit ton of horror and not telling you about it; I've probably seen...mmm, four scary movies? maybe?...since I last posted here. (One of them was Mama and you know what? I really liked it. SO SUE ME.) Here's what is up: I try to give something in the genre a go- by which I mean I browse my Netflix queue- and everything looks the same. All the plot synopses sound alike. None appeal to me enough to give 'em a go. I think about sitting through them, and I start puking boredom out of my eye holes every time! And then I watch something else entirely, like a documentary or an episode of whatever (great show). Or I read or I play a video game. Or I draw some comics. Or I do anything besides watch a horror movie.
It is the worst!
Yeah, so okay, what?
Man, I don't know. I've been talking horror movies a lot lately, and I feel the love coming back. I can't wait for the new Evil Dead. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. I miss writing like you would not believe, and I need to start doing it again on the regs, as none of the kids would say. Most of all, I'd like to get Final Girl back to where it started: me talking about stuff I love, even if said stuff stinks...because you know why? Because it is time. You know why it is time? Because here's why:
Earlier tonight, during my weekly Friday "me" time (not a euphemism), I was a-sippin' Riunite and a-listenin' to Delilah and she gave out a dedication that caught my ear holes: "From Final Girl to Final Girl" was all she said, and then this song played:
I mean, what else can I do? Eff this cryogenic state! It's thawenin' time!
Anyway, I thought it was time I showed my face around here, so to speak, to give you some what for.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS!
(note: by "frequently" "asked", I mean "I think someone might have asked once, or maybe it was only a dream I had")
Is Final Girl dead?
If by "Final Girl" you mean me, then no, obviously not because here I am typing this. Unless, of course, maybe I blogging from beyond the grave.
Are you blogging from beyond the grave?
No, I am not.
Okay, so what about Final Girl the website? Is that dead?
It may seem that way, but again...no! I would say it's not dead, it's merely in a cryogenic stasis chamber. At some point in the near future it will be thawed out and resurrected, I swear. Awakened after oh so long, Final Girl will then gaze upon an unfamiliar world with wonderment, a little trepidation, and maybe some indigestion...but she'll adjust, and it'll be as if she were never gone. You know how she do.
Well where the frig have you been?
Dudes and y'alls, here is the R.E.A.L. T.A.L.K., which stands for "real talk": I have been so totally and completely burnt out on horror movies, it is not even funny. Not even! Funny!
say what now?
Yup, it's the truth. "But how could it have come to this??" you are probably
I think we can all agree that unless you are an asshole, it is best to review movies you have actually seen. Because of science, in order to see the movies I had to write about, I also had to watch them. Many of these films were bad. Most of them, though, were just...there. Uninspired, dull, samey-samey stuff that I wouldn't watch unless I had to, which...you know, I did. For me, shrugging off the apathy and figuring out something to say about those movies was like pulling teeth. Or, more succinctly, like having my teeth pulled. And then put back in. With a hammer. With a Mjolnir.
If that sounds "wah wah, I had to watch horror movies and write about them", well man, I guess I just don't care. You see, I started Final Girl to talk about horror movies I love (even if they stink), not whatever happens to be coming out on DVD next month. It should go without saying, but I will say it anyway: this does not mean that I am railing against new horror, or that whatever happens to be coming out on DVD next month isn't going to be wonderful. It just means that hey, writing can be difficult, watching movies you don't really want to watch can be difficult, and I just. Burnt. Out.
And boy do I mean it! Believe me, I haven't been, you know, watching a shit ton of horror and not telling you about it; I've probably seen...mmm, four scary movies? maybe?...since I last posted here. (One of them was Mama and you know what? I really liked it. SO SUE ME.) Here's what is up: I try to give something in the genre a go- by which I mean I browse my Netflix queue- and everything looks the same. All the plot synopses sound alike. None appeal to me enough to give 'em a go. I think about sitting through them, and I start puking boredom out of my eye holes every time! And then I watch something else entirely, like a documentary or an episode of whatever (great show). Or I read or I play a video game. Or I draw some comics. Or I do anything besides watch a horror movie.
It is the worst!
Yeah, so okay, what?
Man, I don't know. I've been talking horror movies a lot lately, and I feel the love coming back. I can't wait for the new Evil Dead. THAT'S RIGHT, I SAID IT. I miss writing like you would not believe, and I need to start doing it again on the regs, as none of the kids would say. Most of all, I'd like to get Final Girl back to where it started: me talking about stuff I love, even if said stuff stinks...because you know why? Because it is time. You know why it is time? Because here's why:
Earlier tonight, during my weekly Friday "me" time (not a euphemism), I was a-sippin' Riunite and a-listenin' to Delilah and she gave out a dedication that caught my ear holes: "From Final Girl to Final Girl" was all she said, and then this song played:
I mean, what else can I do? Eff this cryogenic state! It's thawenin' time!
Minggu, 03 Maret 2013
Daniella Wang Li Dan 王李丹 from Henan, China - Lenglui #268
Date of Birth: Aug 6, 1989
Height: 175 cm
Weight: 51 kg
Measurements: 32F 24 35
Weibo: http://weibo.com/wanglidan
Blog: http://blog.sina.com.cn/dannihan
About: Daniella Wang Li Dan 王李丹 is a popular Mainland model and actress from Nanyang City, Henan Province. Also known as the "China's Goddess of Boobs", Wang Li Dan is actually of Mongolian ethnicity. She claims that her assets are real and it is common in Mongolia for girls to have big boobs. In 2012, Wang Li Dan rose to fame after appearing in a Hong Kong CAT3 movie - Due West: Our Sex Journey (一路向西).
Langganan:
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